 Something To Ponder... | |
Some of these you may have seen or heard before, but read again. Ponder.
> Subject: Fw: To make you smile
>
>
> 1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house
> faster than an ambulance.
>
> 2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of
>a skating rink.
>
> 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way
>to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people
>can buy cigarettes at the front.
>
> 4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large
>fries, and a diet coke.
>
> 5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain
>the pens to the counters.
>
> 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in
>the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
>
> 7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls
>and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't
>want to talk to in the first place.
>
> 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns
>in packages of eight. (THIS ONE ALWAYS BUGGED ME!)
>
> 9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
>process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
>'bloodsucking creatures'.
>
> 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with
>Braille lettering.
>
> EVER WONDER ~~~~
>
> Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
>
> Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
>
> Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
>
> Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
>
> Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
>
> Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
>
> Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
>is made with real lemons?
>
> Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
>
> Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
>
> Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
>
> When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
>
> Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
>
> Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
>
> You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
>don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
>
> Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
>
> Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
>
> If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
>
> If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
>
> ~~~~~
>
> In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
>stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
>
> On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only
>time I have to work on my hair).
>
> On a bag of Fritos:.You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
>Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
>
> On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that
>would be how?...)
>
> On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but,
>it's "just" a suggestion).
>
> On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
>down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
>
> On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
>(...and you thought????...)
>
> On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
>wouldn't this save me more time)?
>
> On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate
>machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the
>rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
>head-colds off those forklifts.)
>
> On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and... I'm
>taking this because???....)
>
> On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
>(as opposed to...what)?
>
> On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
>(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
>
> On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news
>flash)
>
> On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet,
>eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
>
> On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not
>enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for
>this one.)
>
> On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
>genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) | 
Makes for some good reading. 
