Eternal Allegiance - Celebrity Gossip

Old 01-05-2006, 05:26 PM   #1
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Default Dear Dr. Laura (this is good!)

Contemporary dilemmas:

An Open Letter to Dr. Laura

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to follow them.



a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?



b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?



c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev.15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.



d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?



e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?



f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?



g) Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some room for maneuver here?



h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?



i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean. May I still play football if I wear gloves?



j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)



I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.



Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.
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Old 01-05-2006, 05:33 PM   #2
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I posted this once. still love it tho!
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Old 01-05-2006, 06:00 PM   #3
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OMG that is freaking great.
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Old 01-05-2006, 08:39 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lea
I posted this once. still love it tho!
LMFAO... for some reason I thought it was Daniel who posted it before, and I was like "Damn, where'd my reply go?" and then I saw the date and I'm like "Why did Daniel post it twice?" then I'm like "Oh."

Yes, it's a very good letter, though.
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Old 01-05-2006, 08:45 PM   #5
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I kinda figured I posted it already but I don't remember it being Dr. Laura. My bad! knfai
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Old 01-06-2006, 08:03 PM   #6
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I guess this is why they (Christian religious leaders) focus on the New Testament now. The Old Testament really can't keep up in many ways.

- Emperor J.P.
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