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Originally Posted by dids Well, I was raised by extremely tolerant and open parents. They forced absolutely nothing on me.
HOWEVER, I really wish my momma would like the smell of fish more.. because she doesn't, she never made it and as a result today I can't stand it. I eat just about everything there is, but because I never was able to get used to that taste, I still do not like it. My brother doesn't either. When my little sister was born, she went to Kindergarden in Italy and they gave her lunch there, of course fish included. She's the only one (along with my dad) who LOVES it!! Hehe.. |
Awww. *teaches you how to eat fish* But take note, I don't like most fish. lol
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Originally Posted by MoonBerry That's really interesting Stinger, but I don't think that could work with how I feel about my mother, there's been so much done/said for soo many years I can write a book about it all, she's done alot of damage, alot. I don't see forgiveness in sight.
I think it depends on how extreme things were with a parent to be able to forgive just like that. I always hear it's good to forgive(good for yourself) but the thought of it just doesn't seem possible, I don't know. I'm not even living with or near her for more that 8 years now, havn't seen her since either. |
I see, yes. However, forgiving is not something you 'just' do. It takes a lot of work inside your mind to eventually get there. And indeed, depending on how extreme things were plays a crucial role in that.
But nothing is impossible, even if it may seem that way from your perspective. The first step you take is to reach into yourself and ask the question "do you WANT to forgive your mother?" Taking aside how hard that would be, or how impossible that may seem. Do you want to forgive your mother?
Inspite of everything that happened, if you come to the conclusion that you do would like to forgive her, then you're already halfway there. In order to get to the next step, you need to see if there is any way that you can understand parts of how she is like this. In this universe, everything has it's reasons. Cause and effect. I say or do something to you, you respond. That is short term. There is also long term. King Kong falls into the water, the ripples you then see will be endless. Cause and effect.
Take the effect (in this case parts of your mother's behaviour from various situations respectively) and find the cause for it. Do that a couple of times and see if there is a link. In essence, you're playing detective. Trying to figure out all the roots of things will get you closer to understanding.
For example, perhaps your mother is mentally ill. Identity disturbance. Uncontrolled mood disorders. Or totally freaking whacko. This kind of thing you can develop sympathy for, even though if looks could kill, you'd be in a horizontal position right now. In your own way you can dig into things deeper.
I must note, taking these efforts, or even forgiving in itself doesn't mean after all those years you should go back and sit around the table with her singing happy songs. I also had to break contact with certain people I used to love so dearly. It goes to the point where you have no other choice anymore. But I forgave eventually, and it put my heart at peace. Sometimes a person cannot (or will not) help the way they are acting. And that means your cards are wearing thin in regards to restoring whatever kind of relationship there was.
The eventual result is that you will be at peace with everything. And you will no longer be carrying feelings of anger within you. And that, that is liberation. And I guarantee you. You will like it.
But that's all future talk. Not there yet.
Right now you will need to
want to forgive. That's the most important thing.
EDIT: Changed a few words here and there to make my points come across better.
