Barbara Walters Encourages
Justin To Lie About Britney
-- Jim Brachman
The utterly inept Barbara Walters, who resembles an ancient Egyptian
artifact sans benefit of bandages (let’s change “20/20” to “The Mummy
Returns”) and whose strange voice is only slightly less annoying than a
busy signal, allowed Justin Timberlake to tell what was a hopelessly
preposterous account of his breakup with Britney Spears.
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Perhaps Walters was both desperate for ratings and desperately angry
with Britney for giving the infinitely more dignified and cerebral Oprah
Winfrey the interview that Walters begged for.
In one of the worst pieces of journalism of all time, and yes, that even
includes entertainment journalism (the interview consisted of thirty plus
minutes of free publicity promoting Timberlake’s new solo CD, in which
he sounds more like a Michael Jackson impersonator than one of the
members of *NSYNC) Walters proved to be so unprofessional she didn’t
even allow Britney’s camp a chance to respond to an obviously made-up
story.
Regular visitors to this site know the Britney/Justin breakup isn’t exactly a
new subject; it’s one we’ve covered.
No one knows for certain what caused their breakup (Barbara Walters
didn’t have nor was given a clue) but there’s only one theory that made
the rounds and makes sense. Call it “the pregnancy scare” theory.
According to a number of tabloid publications (tabloids don’t always get it
right but they don’t always get it wrong either), what shattered the
relationship between Justin and Britney was the fact that at some point
within the last year, Britney thought she was pregnant (she had used a
home pregnancy test) and informed Justin.
Expecting her boyfriend to do the right thing and marry her, Justin totally
freaked. After thinking it over, he informed Britney that he “wasn’t
ready” to be a father and had no interest in getting married.
Britney was understandably deeply hurt and angry.
The two of them had been together, as adults, for close to three years.
For two of those years they constantly proclaimed their love for each
other, and at some point suggested that marriage was simply a matter of
time.
That’s what they said.
Now, according to Justin, something “very bad” happened. Oh, gosh golly
gee whiz, he can’t say just what.
He strongly hinted, however, that Britney cheated on him.
How outrageous.
Oh sure, Justin, that’s it. This religious girl who loves you to pieces and
whom you promised to marry, suddenly, out of a clear blue sky, has an
affair.
Yeah, that’s believable. Sure it is. No, really.
The infinitely more plausible explanation is that after Justin weaseled out
on the pregnancy/marriage matter (it turned out Britney wasn’t pregnant),
Justin saw no reason why things between them shouldn’t return to status
quo, but Britney was too smart for him. She kept her dignity, informing
Justin that if he was unable to make a commitment to marriage at some
point, she saw no reason to continue their relationship.
So Justin took her up on the offer to call it quits. It wasn’t what Britney
expected to happen; this creep crushed her a second time.
To be certain, both sides deny the pregnancy story, but again, it’s the only
thing that makes sense. Other claims suggest Britney became extremely
jealous and possessive, that she made “marriage demands, ” etc.
Naw, unless they were aggravated elements of the same story. It had to
be something big. And having an unexpected child on the way is big.
At another point during the “interview,” Walters made a huge point of
asking Justin about sex with Britney.
There’s something a little peculiar about watching someone who hasn’t
had sex since the horse and buggy days ask a 21-year-old about his sex
life.
So Justin, who has a “broken heart,” started hanging with Janet Jackson
and other women.
After experiencing what Justin put her through, would it be any big deal if
Britney sought comfort elsewhere?
Another idiotic element of the Walters interview consisted of Justin
performing a song for Walters (“lame” is way too kind a word). The
number, filled with impossibly bad clichéd lyrics, is called “Horrible
Woman,” but it’s not about Britney, according to Justin.
So who is it about? Well, um, uh, see, it’s not about any one woman.
The clear inference was that it is indeed about Britney. So now Britney’s
a horrible woman.
Justin, acting like a man from the horse and buggy days, apparently
reached the conclusion that he should be allowed to go with any woman he
wants, do whatever he wishes, but that Britney must stay at home, wait,
see, hope and pray he changes his mind.
Nothing unfair or unreasonable in any of that, right? No. Of course not.
Justin’s mother, who seems like a very nice person, appeared quite
uncomfortable during the Walters encounter, despite managing to hold a
big, forced smile on her face throughout.
One was left with the distinct impression she would have preferred to be
just about anywhere but in the company of Barbara Walters.
Perhaps part of the reason is that Britney was quite fond of Justin’s
mother, saying, in a number of interviews, “she’s like a second mom to
me.”
It’s not hard to imagine what the conversation between Justin and his
mother was like when the “pregnancy scare” (assuming it happened)
occurred.
Mom: “Now you listen to me. If Britney’s pregnant then you two are
getting married, and that’s that!”
Justin: “See, Mom, I’m a young, rich rock star and I can do whatever I
want.”
As if the Britney discussion wasn’t sufficiently absurd, the daring Walters
asked Justin Timberlake why he would take the “risk” of putting out a solo
CD.
Oh sure, Barbara, it’s a huge risk, you mummy dummy, you. How does
‘no risk whatsoever’ sound? It’s not as if Justin is putting up any of his
own money, you idiot. What risk?
If it doesn’t work, he’ll do something else. Walters is doltish enough to
make it sound like we’ll have to do a telethon for Justin if the new CD
isn’t a huge hit.
Not to be outdone, Justin made a profound statement of his own: “If it
succeeds, then that’s great. If it doesn’t, then it just doesn’t.” Wow.
Britney Spears really needs to come forward, defend herself and clear the
air, and she can do so easily. She can go right back on Oprah to set the
record straight.
If not, I guess we’ll have to wait until her future CD or a CD single
comes along, listen carefully to the lyrics and, like Detective Columbo,
try to solve the latest chapter of the Britney/Justin mystery.
Its nice to see someone sticking up for Britney for a change..
