 S & SE Big Brother | |
I found a 'big brother story generator' on the internet - god I'm bored - all you do is type in some names and a few other bits of info and it generates a 'big brother' story for you..... so here it is..... by the way, the names of the forummers I put in were random and were basically the first ones I thought of....and i had to include myself...obviously.
Day 1 - Neil admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Maybabygirl0501. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Emma is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although BMB later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.
2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Jeremy creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Lita hits him with a fork.
3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Eiffel Tower out of Pasta. After much persuasion by Jeremy, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.
4 - Training for the Eiffel Tower task is well under way. However havoc ensues when BMB, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the Pasta. Lita is furious.
5 - Today is the day when the Eiffel Tower task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when BMB farts and blows Eiffel Tower over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Maybabygirl0501 cries.
6 - Jeremy gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.
7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Maybabygirl0501 admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a fork. Neil says he never wears condoms because they make his ass sore and Jeremy agrees. Emma goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. BMB sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Jeremy.
8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Neil goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Lita and Maybabygirl0501 are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Neil.
9 - Lita and Maybabygirl0501 are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Emma sings them a song - Insatiable - darren hayes - to make them feel better.
10 - The public vote Maybabygirl0501 out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Maybabygirl0501 leaves.
11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Maybabygirl0501's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Emma has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Lita is visibly depressed and is comforted by Jeremy, who tries to touch her on her naval.
12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Jeremy touching Lita's naval over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.
13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that BMB refuses to run because his ass hurts a bit.
14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. BMB finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Lita calls BMB a lazy ass.
15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Neil tells everyone individually that he thinks Lita is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Lita and Jeremy are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Neil.
16 - The nominations are announced. Lita can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Jeremy is equally stunned and turns to Lita for comfort. BMB is distraught and confesses to Emma that he thinks he is in love with Jeremy. Emma says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know
17 - The public vote Jeremy out of the house. Lita says she is gutted and even gives Jeremy a clipping of hair from her naval to prove how much she cares. BMB is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Jeremy leaves.
18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Lita clipping the hair from her naval. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.
19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Kazakstan in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.
20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Kazakstan sounds like but BMB says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Neil as the one who must complete the task.
21 - Neil successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Kazakstan but also God Save The Queen, Insatiable - darren hayes and the theme tune to The Osbournes. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.
22 - Nominations are due and Neil tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. BMB and Emma are nominated.
23 - BMB and Emma take their nominations well and sit down with Neil and Lita to discuss why they voted for them. Neil keeps quiet but Lita accuses BMB of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred ass before bursting into tears.
24 - The public vote Emma out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. Emma leaves.
25 - Neil becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Neil's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.
26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Elephant dung using only a fork. Neil is unsure but BMB is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.
27 - Completely out of the blue, BMB breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Elephant incident from his childhood. Lita tries to persuade him to stay but Neil sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. BMB decides to leave.
28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Elephant dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Lita from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.
29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Neil asks Lita to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Neil nominates Lita to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Lita.
30 - When the nomination is announced, Lita graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Neil is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Neil takes his £70,000 and runs away to Kazakstan. Nobody, including Lita, ever sees him again | 
Why didn't BMB kick Neil's ass? 
