GossipMan

Associated Press
Lincoln, Nebraska

Thursday, October 3, 2002
For Immediate Release

Anthrax Scare Haunts Huskers

An anthrax scare was reported yesterday on the University of Nebraska
campus in Lincoln, Nebraska. At approximately 3:15 p.m. as the
Cornhusker football team was entering their practice field, Joe Dum,
7'6" 480 lb. Husker walk-on sensation noticed a white powdery
substance on the playing field. Cornhusker Head Coach, Frank Solich,
members of his coaching staff, and players spent several moments
examining the strange white powder. No one could recall seeing
anything like it. Solich indicated that after touching, tasting, and
sniffing the foreign substance, he was still unable to identify its
origin. Solich suspended practice and ordered the players to return
to their locker room and shower immediately.

Authorities were summoned. Over 1,000 Lincoln County EMT, HAZMAT,
police, sheriff's officers, and firemen descended on the campus.
After a 3-hour deliberation, the FBI was called in.

FBI authorities released a brief statement this morning: "Laboratory
analysis of the substance found yesterday on the practice field at
the University of Nebraska confirmed FBI Field Agent suspicions. The
white, powdery substance has been determined to be white chalk on the
goal line. We believe it is unlikely that anyone associated with the
University of Nebraska football program will come in contact with
this material any time in the foreseeable future. We do not consider
it to be a threat."

Solich, contacted by AP this morning, released the following
statement: "While I am relieved that none of our players or coaches
were endangered by yesterday's events, I do fear that it will have a
profound effect on our team as we prepare for this week's showdown
with the Mean Moose of Mighty McNeese State. Without adequate
preparation, our team will be at a great disadvantage."

Mean Moose Head Coach Sheila LaFlame, indicated that the girls on her
team were devastated by the news. "When we beat the Nebraska
Cornhuskers Saturday in Lincoln, there will forever be an asterisk
attached to our victory. This will indelibly taint what would
otherwise have been one of our program's greatest moments." The Mean
Moose are fresh off their 109 consecutive loss in the Lower Louisiana
Girl's Flag Football League.

Former Husker Head Coach and U.S. Congressman, Dr. Tom Osborne (Ph.D.
in Playground Management), dismissed doubts that the disruption of
practice would hurt the Cornhusker chances on Saturday, "The Huskers
have shown their resilience time and time again. The Huskers were
edged out in the closing seconds of the fourth quarter last year at
Colorado, 62-36. Yet they bounced back to play in the National
Championship game in which they held Miami scoreless during the
halftime. After victories against the best Utah State team of this
century and National powerhouse Troy State, our Huskers were edged
out again in the waning seconds at Penn State, 40-7. Yet last week
in Ames, Iowa, the Husker bounced back. Our offensive line was
opening gaping holes in the defense. Husker I-Backs were pounding
for 40- and 50-yards each play against a dispirited defense. All
three Husker quarterbacks were hitting 75-yard passes with pin-point
precision. The Huskers were marching up and down the field
unabated." When reminded that all of that occurred before the game
during the warm-up against the vaunted Husker "Black Shirt" defense,
Doctor Tom declined further comment.

Amy Arrogant, 6'4" 380 lb. Husker season ticket holder, expressed
undying support for her beloved Huskers, "Everyone knows that the
Huskers have "The World's Greatest Fans." Brent Musberger says so.
We stay with our boys through the good times and the bad. Why just
last week at Iowa State, over 10,000 of us were screaming "Go Big
Red," and yelling "We're Number One," and throwing red streamers and
releasing red and white balloons and taunting the Cyclone fans to
show our boys how much we cared. My husband and I were the last
Nebraska fans to leave the game...and we didn't go until after the
kickoff. I expect the same level of enthusiasm and support this week
with the Mean Moose."

Game time is set for 1:00 p.m. Central Daylight Time.