 50 things that WILL happen in the WWE in 2005 | |
1: Referee Charles Robinson fails to spot the cheating from Triple H in any of his 600 title defences in 2005, including a drive-by-shooting on Eddie Guererro.
2: But there’s no problem with disqualifying Mick Foley for using Socko on JBL, losing the title via disqualification.
3: Having failed to secure a full time contract, Gene Snitsky goes into a part-time pharmaceutical company, producing birth control pills for teenage girls. However many were sent back by angry customers, after they found that the pills contained traces of steel.
4: Triple H chokes on his water when posing at Wrestlemania.
5: The Rock is back in time for WWE Wrestlemania 2005 to take on Shawn Michaels in a legend VS legend match. The match is an absolute classic and the best match of all time. No one could have written this script.
6: The Rock is well and truly retired in time for Backlash 2005. Turns out Paul Heyman was writing the script.
7: Ric Flair takes note of Randy Orton’s advice and stops kissing HHH’s ass. At The Great American Bash, Flair & JBL become tag team champions.
8: Big Show defeats Hulk Hogan in a giant VS giant match. He then stands tall above the ring and claims, “I’m back and bigger than ever!”
9: After 2 straight weeks without a victory, Big Show is fired from Smackdown.
10: Undertaker’s feud with HEY-DEN-REICH begins to intensify. Unfortunatley when Todd Mathews asks the Undertaker about his feelings leading up to their match, Undertaker is unable to avoid pissing himself laughing.
11: Brock Lesnar joins Evolution after returning from the NFL. On their first night together, they throw The Rock into a truck, then run it over in a 18 wheeler made completely from Velcro. The stunt comes to be known as “The Rip Off”.
12: Jonathan Coachman fatally mixes up his words whilst being interviewd over match-fixing at Taboo Tuesday. “Look, let’s just keep this matter in the dark!” The arena turns black, out comes Undertaker, & kicks the shit out of him.
13: With his Tag Team title on the line, Chavo Guererro hits a devastating Fog Splash on Billy Kidman. Unfortunatley Eddie Guererro then breaks it to him that they aren’t on the same team…..
14: John Cena releases his first rap LP. He is murdered in an alley the next day. Still, success comes at a price eh?
15: Vince McMahon is hauled by the police over fraud during the draft lottery. “It’s true!” says Vince. “I really DID get HHH to swap for Booker T!”
16: Booker T and Mr T do a one week charity swap deal. No-one notices.
17: Teddy Long mistakenly gives the main event to Luther Reigns against the Big Red Machine Kane. He wins you see.
18: Torrie Wilson joins her dad & Kane’s Baby on the dead people list.
After trying to wrestle against Jazz.
19: The Rock returns in time for Thanksgiving to face his biggest enemy yet, the boss of Warner Bros’ Inc’.
20: The source of a violent riot in New York was discovered during the WWE Survivor Series. Mick Foley ACTUALLY won a match!
21: After being sacked from CNN, John Bradshaw Layfield decides to trade his Limousine for a caravan company. His promotion “Heil Hitcher” fails miserably.
22: Chris Jericho is finally ready to regain his prized championship against Triple H at the Royal Rumble Revenge Match. Every week on RAW leading up to it he kicks HHH and Evolution’s asses. He then beats the hell out of the Game at the Rumble. He does a moonsault off the stage through a table. He puts all the interfering Evolution members into the walls of Jericho. He is disqualified for untying his wristband.
23: Carlito Caribbean Cool is doing a promo in Texas when Austin finally fucking returns. Austin decides to show CCC something cool, stunners him and drives him out in a pick-up truck.
24: In an unprecedented move by Teddy Long, Kane is chosen to referee the first ever “Flame Academy” match between Spike Dudley, Tyson Tomko, Gene Snitsky and Carlito Caribbean Cool. Each contestant is given a blast from a flame-thrower and must race to the nearest lake. The winner keeps their job.
25: Big Show returns to RAW and chokeslams the entire roster. He stands tall above the ring and says “I’m back and better than ever!”
26: One week later Big Show is demoted to heat where he loses against Maven.
27: Flair and JBL lose in comical fashion at No Mercy. They are seen fighting backstage. “My book is still 100th in the bestsellers list!” “Well mines 99th so fuck you!”
28: HEY-DEN-REICH is told to shut the hell up by Y2J as his desperation for people to listen to his “masterpieces” continues. They then have two matches per month including a straight-jacket match and a match involving Heyman as referee. HEY-DEN-REICH loses them all.
29: Eddie Guererro, Shawn Michaels, Chris Benoit, Cena, Undertaker and Big Show all form a union against Evolution and tee up the ultimate battle at Survivor Series. They lose after Eddie’s car is towed away forcing a count out.
30: Steve Austin and Vince McMahon go at it one last time at Wrestlemania 2005. After losing, Austin attempts to share a beer, but dies of Liver Failure in the middle of the ring after one final drop.
31: Zach Gowen finally gets his big break in the main event at Armageddon. In the World Heavyweight title match, HHH clobbers Undertaker over the head with Zach, retaining the gold.
32: Eric Bischoff promises yet again to destroy all of Eugene’s dignity throughout 2005. After a word with Paul Heyman, Eugene is transferred to Velocity.
33: Another sex scandal rocks WWE. This time Gene Snitsky is seen backstage raping a potato.
34: Gene Snitsky is seen next week peeling potatoes at a chip shop.
35: With WWE losing a lot of TV money, Teddy Long comes up with more genius ideas to make extra cash. Such as renting out advertising space on Kurt Angle’s bald head,
36: Christian’s peeps desert him at his book signing. “I STILL can’t get my head out of my ass” was not well received by NY Times either.
37: Brock Lesnar is added to Eugene’s list of favourite wrestlers. As is JBL. And Kurt Angle. And so on, and on, and on….
38: Carlito Caribbean Cool is out at a nightclub when he is viciously assaulted by a group of gangsters who the shave his afro bald after knocking him unconscious with a steel chain. The headline in the newspapers the next day was “Cool”.
39: After negotiating a “special deal” The Rock faces Brock Lesnar to rekindle their feud from SS 2000. In the interview the Rock delivers his famous catchphrase again. Before bursting into tears.
40: Big Show is seen at a TNA event with a big sign saying please come and get me!
41: Once again Teddy Long comes up with another genius idea. Taking an element from the immunity battle royal from the 2001 Survivor Series, the Smackdown divas are forced to battle it out. The losers are all fired. The winner gets to avoid wrestling again for another year.
42: With his latest book failing to make the grade, Ric Flair remained optimistic. Alan Partridge had just offered him a chance to co-write his own biography.
43: HHH is fired by the WWE for bout-rigging, fraud and acting like a complete asshole. The decision is reversed by Eric Bischoff who points out it’s just a match.
44: As the WWE embarks on another UK tour, Evolution make an appearance on Ant & Dec Saturday Night Takeaway. After Ant decides to insult them, Batista turns furious. And then beats the hell out of Dec.
45: During the same UK tour, William Regal is forced to take on a midget. He STILL loses.
46: After the success of Mr America, Hulk Hogan reappears in Vince McMahon’s office dressed as a Shinobi warrior. McMahon grants “Shinobi” a match against Snitsky. All goes perfectly well until Hogan accidentally says “I can actually wrestle brother! The match is stopped and Hogan is instantly fired.
47: Randy Orton is shaved bald by Kurt Angle and Luther Reigns in the middle of the ring. Orton desperately screams “RAPE!” Sadly instead of helping, the entire roster searched the backstage looking for Stephanie.
48: HBK finally regains the WWE title. Whilst celebrating he breaks his back on the turnbuckle and is stripped due to career ending injury. Heydenreich wins it the next night on RAW.
49: The Rock is sacked for being a sell-out and a disgrace to his industry. He decides to do wrestling instead.
50: JBL loses the WWE Championship….. No hang on. That’s just WAY too far-fetched! | 
To bad only 2 of those things happend this year. 
